Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Till death do us apart?

Marriages are made in heaven. Or so they say. Or are they really? I dunno….Iv seen some work, Iv seen some fail miserably. I haven’t been married yet so I really am an outsider there. But who can stop one from observing and coming to conclusions.
What is marriage all about? Marriage is considered to be the ceremony marking the legal union of a man and a woman for cohabitation and often procreation. This is what I got from the dictionary. But what is it, really?
A friend of mine got hitched recently, In spite of belonging to different religious backgrounds, they went ahead. Of course, they had mature family members to support them too, but no problems there…GOD bless them. It was a small quick affair owing to personal reasons; she spent 3 days at home, had a register marriage and walked into college again 3 days later. They say marriage changes people.. Well.. She hasn’t, she is still the same old madcap friend and I love her for it.
As a kid iv always dreamt of this perfect wedding to this handsome stranger, Come on, which girl hasn’t ??? But today, standing just a few steps away from the great big plunge, there obviously will be a nervous shifting of steps, a tense eyebrow…especially when I look at all those marriages that haven’t really worked.
. The question of what if? arises and it makes u spiral down into the vortex of doubts and reservations about the whole affair. You see people cheating, people not giving their hundred percent, people who are not affectionate, people who treat marriage like just another social responsibility, people who are genuinely unhappy with the partner that fate( or rather family) has bestowed on them. What do u do when u find urself in the middle of something that is going nowhere?? Do u stay put just because u took those holy rounds around a fire? or because a priest declared u man and wife? Or because your neighbours and relatives would bad mouth you if u left? Or because u are just too afraid of being alone?
My mother says that the minute u exchange those holy vows with someone, u accept the man however he is and begin to love his mistakes too. Yes, I do understand that u do all that ,provided there is a lot of ‘love’ involved. How does it work though, when u have met the guy just a couple of times?? Do u love him because he belongs to the same religious background that u belong to? Do u love him because your horoscopes match? Do you love him because his family background is ‘good’? or because he draws a six figure salary and is six feet tall and works on sixth avenue, Manhattan , New York city? Do u settle for a good life and learn to love him and cohabit with him ? or would u hope to find ur perfect companion and choose to live with him even if he seems to be the most imperfect guy on the planet for the whole world??
Im glad my mom made her choice and did it perfectly,. She chose to go against the whole world and marry the man she loved. I owe my existence to that choice of hers.
I do not want to say that arranged marriages are all compromises, im sure some work perfectly. It definitely won’t work that way for me though.

I just firmly believe that GOD made man and woman . He did not make any rules or religions. It’s high time we grow up and choose our partners ourselves. Even if we make a mistake, we have nobody but ourselves to blame .and besides, there s a wise old saying which says it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.


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  2. that was very mature post .... outlines ur thinking frame ... wishing all the luck with ur foot forward :) u'v made the rite choice :)

  3. Nice post! Thanks. I was looking for an explanation myself, not so long ago and stumbled onto this page. Another guy looking for explanation I guess :)!