Saturday, September 29, 2007

which is the weaker sex?

Its a tough job to be a woman.

"What a cliched opening sentence!"
"Oh no..another feminist point of view"
"These women are so stupid,they call themselves as equals,but all they want is more attention"

Im bracing myself for all these reactions,but i still stand by my opening sentence.Yesterday was a holiday,I had made plans to go out with a friend for breakfast..It was just the ideal start,2 girls,lazily wakin up late ,awesome weather,n a hearty breakfast in store...a lot of conversation about men,life n the likes,a lot of bitching and giggling,a perfect girls time out.......was looking forward to it.Just had enough time to glance at the newspaper,n as i scanned the front page,my eyes stopped on a report...girls molested in marine drive.Usually these kind of reports r meant fr the inside pages..I admit i wouldnt have read it ..but this one was different,so i read the article n 2 minutes into it,i had goosebumps....
The indian cricket team had arrived,being welcomed,i saw it on tv live..and i was thrilled to bits too...But what gives me the jitters is that as i later found out,at the same time,there were girls being molested in the crowd..There was so much revelry and ecstasy,a feeling of victory,but at the same time somebody was losing their dignity and self respect...
Now let me not stop at that..let me explain....This is for everyone who missed the report...there ws this group of college students,a group of 15 girls and 5 guys who had gone to cheer the team...In the major confusion n chaos,they were lost in the crowd,n one of those unlucky girls fell into a ditch...She was helped out by a few men,and then...20 or more men started gropin her and pawing at her...imagine 40 lasted for a full ten minutes.I apologise for being graphic but i do not want to mince words here..If it can happen to someone..then why cant we face it?She even had hands inside her jeans...
.For all the men who are reading this,imagine the same thing happening to the most important woman in ur life,n for all u ladies out there,i dont even have to say anything.When i read it,i felt it was happening to me.Now just for a minute,close ur eyes AND IMAGINE...
It shook me so much,i told my friend about it,and she mirrored my emotions..We were suddenly feeling dirty and violated ourselves.We went ahead walking on the road to the restaurant,in broad daylight,wearing "decent" clothes[read completely covered up]and we had 4 men on two bikes hooting at us and saying something lewd ..It happens everyday to every other girl in our college and im sure all over the world..We have conditioned ourselves to ignore incidents like this..but for an instant,i instinctively felt like picking up a stone and throwing it at them...and my friend had the choiciest of expletives coming out of her mouth,but the men laughed at us n ripped off....
My college is on a highway,so my parents are reluctant to buy me my own vehicle..We have to go by buses and maxicabs if we want to go out for dinner or a movie...We have to sit for 45 mins and allow people to stare at us with their mouths open,because we come from a city and we look a little different than them...We have to dodge people on the streets and make sure they dont"accidentally" touch us...We have to constantly have an eagle s eye view of things happening around us,one moment of relaxing and u have someone brushing their hand over ur behind.It feels like a warzone.
I stay away from home,n every chance i get,i take off to bangalore...But the problem is in taking off...I have to take an overnight bus or train...Its been 6 years since iv been travelling alone,and trust me its not been easy..Today i can look at a man and judge if he s an asshole and decide if i have to change my seat..Iv travelled bangalore mumbai chandigarh delhi...all alone,catching connecting flights...sitting and waiting for hours alone in the airport,browsing book stalls,sipping coffee,and generally people watching...I take pride in the fact that i can do my own thing..n i get a kick being independent..but there have been times when iv felt unsafe,scared,weak,humiliated..There have been times when i wished i had somebody i know to protect me...There are times iv wished i was not alone.
I had lived a very protected life when i was in parents had a car with a driver waiting outside my school till it was time to get back home...when we sold off the car,i had a trusted school auto whose every detail was known by dad to drop me home..Even when i joined college,the same trend continued..Eventually my sister got her own bike and i was so excited that finally i dint have to go in an auto like a small kid...thats when i encountered my first tryst with eve used to happen everywhere.traffic signals,on the road....I used to hide behind my sis n silently observe..always wondered why men behaved so strangely..I also observed my sister react.She s whacked men on the full public view..she has also ignored incidents when she knew she had to... Im glad my dad did not listen to my begging and pleading to study in a college in bangalore.I would have still been hiding behind my sis.
I dont want to use the term men here,because i know some real wonderful humanbeings who happen to belong to the other gender....
What do i call these perverted minds???Why did those 20 men who came to celebrate the fact that they were indians turn into such vile ugly creatures??Because they knew that in the crowd,they would never be caught...?makin hay while the sun shines....?what pleasure does one get?does it amount to sexual gratification?eeeow...!
There r schools of thought which would say,those girls shouldnt have gone there..these things happen when there is such a big crowd..she should have been more careful...
Cant we want to celebrate that we won?Where all do we stop going ha?restaurants?college?should not travel alone?Should my dad escort me up n down every time i feel homesick?Do we stop going for movies?Should we stop stepping out of home?Do we stop living ??

Crime against women does not only include physical and sexual abuse..psychological abuse is equally a part of it.
Its not just about rape,female infanticide,domestic violence,marital rape,bride burning,acid attacks and honour killings...
The United Nations General Assembly defines "violence against women" as "any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or mental harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life."

Its also about passing a crude remark on the woman who walks past u...when ur with ur friends...It might be a joke for u men, who can laugh together ,but for us its taking away our dignity .So if ur the kind of a man who does not support rape,and abuse and would never dream of doing it..please move one step ahead and acknowledge this part of abuse as well.Please be man enough to stop ur friend from saying oh wow what a *********** in hearing distance of the lady.

Some days ago,i was cribbing about the lack of a women s line in the railway station,and again a male friend of mine taunted me saying if men and women r equal then why do u want special treatment?i told him,nope,we are not special..we are very very ordinary individuals who would love to book our own tickets and stand in long queues for it,but the tragedy, is that we are 'given' special treatment... If we go about doing that,we r jostled,pushed,touched and leered at..
It doesnt feel good.Try being a woman.It really is a tough job.please help us make it easier.


  1. U go girl!!! a little long but very informative and descriptive... although made me feel sorry for bein a man im already sorry for bein a human anyways he he
    I will go against my kind and am wid u on this one...
    Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. (Aldous Huxley)

  2. If I could find more words to fill in, I would! You summed up everything real well! I'd like to emphasize on -
    Crime against women does not only include physical and sexual abuse..psychological abuse is equally a part of it.

    It's something most men fail to understand. And I'm using the word 'men' here 'coz it's true with most men. I do know lovely people of the other gender as well, but the count unfortunately is really low. These men not necessarily 'rape, victimize or abuse' their women, but they fail to understand the dependence women seek from them.

    I'm sure a lot of bricks-n-bats await when I say dependence, but I'm sure women understand what kind of dependence I talk about here.

    Kudos to your post, being a woman is indeed a tough job! Thanks!!

  3. Thots in sync. Being a Women is no easy a task. I can only relate to your words and the feelings, but as such not the experience.

    You should think of taking more serious steps in communicating to the mass... somewhere you have it in you to reach out.. dont waste it!


  4. My mind is stil stuck at what must have gone through that girl's mind with so many vile dirty hands groping at her. ::shudders violently::

    Baaki, naari teri yehi kahani...

  5. hmmmmmmm.......a very interesting post.....gave me goosebumps actually....just reading about it makes me feel so disgusted and unclean,cant think of someone actually going thru it.....
    very true what u sed its become almost hell for girls to live with all the molesting and eve teasing that takes place...sure disgusts me though....
    some serious action has to be taken against it.....

  6. love ur post ya....keep writing

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  8. @jacko the wacko,sudi and joseph
    thanks for empathising with us...hope u spread the msg and do ur part in making it a happier and
    safer place for women.!
    @pranjal,deepti and garfield,
    thanks for the words of encouragement girls..maybe talking about it will help in its own little way...