Wednesday, September 5, 2007

05\09\2007

Listening to boulevard of broken dreams...and it feels like an anthem today..Try as i might,i cant shake off this blue feeling,There are people around me, acquaintances,friends,colleaugues,loved ones,.....but i still feel im alone...They say life is what u make it seem....I try my best everyday,i wake up,stretch,smile and tell myself its a lovely day,life is beautiful...and im a lucky girl!Some days its inherent, other days i need to make an attempt..but today im failing miserably...I dont feel loved,wanted and needed...I know it just takes a text msg or a phone call and my loved ones will be around me in an instant..but is that what i want?Nope...I dont...I want to be left alone..coz i know that its only upto a level that they can come with me.....They cant feel what im feeling...They cant enter the complexities of my sub conscious mind.....Its only for me to fathom ...They can cheer me up for a day or two or if its a really persevering friend then he can stay for a week...but eventually he would have to get on with his daily drudgery....and then...its just me.....alone...
There s too much of a racket in my head....i cant even figure out what it sounds like....its very similiar to silence...its like trying to stare at a blank white screen for a long time..its like white noise.....
I go back in time,,to the point where i faced the biggest crisis of my life until now...I admit, my folks and friends did a lot of damage control.....but in the end it was me ..on my own. It was easy to go off the edge....It was tough to get back to a safe distance from the edge....I dint move.. The edge vaporised…When i opened my eyes,i was surrounded by a circle...a very protected,’trespassers will be prosecuted’ kind of a circle.....a shell welcomed me..Lost friends in the process....but it dint matter...Nothing mattered anymore...
Time is the best healer...the shadows of the past couldnt cloud my mind for too long..and i could see rays of sunshine illuminating my life...I smiled but the damage was done..and the end result ..; I live in a very controlled state of mind...I have learnt not to let go completely,I have learnt that i have to fight it out on my own...I have learnt to live alone without feeling lonely…Today i am my own best friend... I can also be somebody else s best friend, girl friend, well wisher...but when i see the back of a friend when we part and his back becomes tinier with each step taken away and he disappears gradually.. or when the click of a phone cuts me off from him....i close my eyes and its just me...i walk alone....
I walk a lonely road the only one that i have ever known...I dont know where it goes but its only me and I walk alone...I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams..where the city sleeps and im the only one and i walk alone..i walk alone..i walk alone....my shadow s the only one who walks beside me..my shallow heart s the only thing thats beating.....Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me'Til then I walk alone, I'm walking down the line That divides me somewhere in my mind On the border line Of the edge and where I walk alone... Read between the lines What's fucked up and everything's alright... Check my vital signs To know I'm still alive and I walk aloneI walk aloneI walk alone
My player is on repeat mode........have heard it a zillion times and the words echo in my head ........

2 comments:

  1. why do i know what you are talking about? i'm your parallel universe this time zone..
    *hugs*

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  2. Count me in on parallel universe! Thanks for sharing!

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