which is the weaker sex?

Its a tough job to be a woman.

"What a cliched opening sentence!"
"Oh no..another feminist point of view"
"These women are so stupid,they call themselves as equals,but all they want is more attention"

Im bracing myself for all these reactions,but i still stand by my opening sentence.Yesterday was a holiday,I had made plans to go out with a friend for breakfast..It was just the ideal start,2 girls,lazily wakin up late ,awesome weather,n a hearty breakfast in store...a lot of conversation about men,life n the likes,a lot of bitching and giggling,a perfect girls time out.......was looking forward to it.Just had enough time to glance at the newspaper,n as i scanned the front page,my eyes stopped on a report...girls molested in marine drive.Usually these kind of reports r meant fr the inside pages..I admit i wouldnt have read it ..but this one was different,so i read the article n 2 minutes into it,i had goosebumps....
The indian cricket team had arrived,being welcomed,i saw it on tv live..and i was thrilled to bits too...But what gives me the jitters is that as i later found out,at the same time,there were girls being molested in the crowd..There was so much revelry and ecstasy,a feeling of victory,but at the same time somebody was losing their dignity and self respect...
Now let me not stop at that..let me explain....This is for everyone who missed the report...there ws this group of college students,a group of 15 girls and 5 guys who had gone to cheer the team...In the major confusion n chaos,they were lost in the crowd,n one of those unlucky girls fell into a ditch...She was helped out by a few men,and then...20 or more men started gropin her and pawing at her...imagine 40 hands....it lasted for a full ten minutes.I apologise for being graphic but i do not want to mince words here..If it can happen to someone..then why cant we face it?She even had hands inside her jeans...
.For all the men who are reading this,imagine the same thing happening to the most important woman in ur life,n for all u ladies out there,i dont even have to say anything.When i read it,i felt it was happening to me.Now just for a minute,close ur eyes AND IMAGINE...
It shook me so much,i told my friend about it,and she mirrored my emotions..We were suddenly feeling dirty and violated ourselves.We went ahead walking on the road to the restaurant,in broad daylight,wearing "decent" clothes[read completely covered up]and we had 4 men on two bikes hooting at us and saying something lewd ..It happens everyday to every other girl in our college and im sure all over the world..We have conditioned ourselves to ignore incidents like this..but for an instant,i instinctively felt like picking up a stone and throwing it at them...and my friend had the choiciest of expletives coming out of her mouth,but the men laughed at us n ripped off....
My college is on a highway,so my parents are reluctant to buy me my own vehicle..We have to go by buses and maxicabs if we want to go out for dinner or a movie...We have to sit for 45 mins and allow people to stare at us with their mouths open,because we come from a city and we look a little different than them...We have to dodge people on the streets and make sure they dont"accidentally" touch us...We have to constantly have an eagle s eye view of things happening around us,one moment of relaxing and u have someone brushing their hand over ur behind.It feels like a warzone.
I stay away from home,n every chance i get,i take off to bangalore...But the problem is in taking off...I have to take an overnight bus or train...Its been 6 years since iv been travelling alone,and trust me its not been easy..Today i can look at a man and judge if he s an asshole and decide if i have to change my seat..Iv travelled bangalore mumbai chandigarh delhi...all alone,catching connecting flights...sitting and waiting for hours alone in the airport,browsing book stalls,sipping coffee,and generally people watching...I take pride in the fact that i can do my own thing..n i get a kick being independent..but there have been times when iv felt unsafe,scared,weak,humiliated..There have been times when i wished i had somebody i know to protect me...There are times iv wished i was not alone.
I had lived a very protected life when i was in school...my parents had a car with a driver waiting outside my school till it was time to get back home...when we sold off the car,i had a trusted school auto whose every detail was known by dad to drop me home..Even when i joined college,the same trend continued..Eventually my sister got her own bike and i was so excited that finally i dint have to go in an auto like a small kid...thats when i encountered my first tryst with eve teasing...it used to happen everywhere.traffic signals,on the road....I used to hide behind my sis n silently observe..always wondered why men behaved so strangely..I also observed my sister react.She s whacked men on the road..in full public view..she has also ignored incidents when she knew she had to... Im glad my dad did not listen to my begging and pleading to study in a college in bangalore.I would have still been hiding behind my sis.
I dont want to use the term men here,because i know some real wonderful humanbeings who happen to belong to the other gender....
What do i call these perverted minds???Why did those 20 men who came to celebrate the fact that they were indians turn into such vile ugly creatures??Because they knew that in the crowd,they would never be caught...?makin hay while the sun shines....?what pleasure does one get?does it amount to sexual gratification?eeeow...!
There r schools of thought which would say,those girls shouldnt have gone there..these things happen when there is such a big crowd..she should have been more careful...
Cant we want to celebrate that we won?Where all do we stop going ha?restaurants?college?should not travel alone?Should my dad escort me up n down every time i feel homesick?Do we stop going for movies?Should we stop stepping out of home?Do we stop living ??

Crime against women does not only include physical and sexual abuse..psychological abuse is equally a part of it.
Its not just about rape,female infanticide,domestic violence,marital rape,bride burning,acid attacks and honour killings...
The United Nations General Assembly defines "violence against women" as "any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or mental harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life."

Its also about passing a crude remark on the woman who walks past u...when ur with ur friends...It might be a joke for u men, who can laugh together ,but for us its taking away our dignity .So if ur the kind of a man who does not support rape,and abuse and would never dream of doing it..please move one step ahead and acknowledge this part of abuse as well.Please be man enough to stop ur friend from saying oh wow what a *********** in hearing distance of the lady.

Some days ago,i was cribbing about the lack of a women s line in the railway station,and again a male friend of mine taunted me saying if men and women r equal then why do u want special treatment?i told him,nope,we are not special..we are very very ordinary individuals who would love to book our own tickets and stand in long queues for it,but the tragedy, is that we are 'given' special treatment... If we go about doing that,we r jostled,pushed,touched and leered at..
It doesnt feel good.Try being a woman.It really is a tough job.please help us make it easier.

05\09\2007

Listening to boulevard of broken dreams...and it feels like an anthem today..Try as i might,i cant shake off this blue feeling,There are people around me, acquaintances,friends,colleaugues,loved ones,.....but i still feel im alone...They say life is what u make it seem....I try my best everyday,i wake up,stretch,smile and tell myself its a lovely day,life is beautiful...and im a lucky girl!Some days its inherent, other days i need to make an attempt..but today im failing miserably...I dont feel loved,wanted and needed...I know it just takes a text msg or a phone call and my loved ones will be around me in an instant..but is that what i want?Nope...I dont...I want to be left alone..coz i know that its only upto a level that they can come with me.....They cant feel what im feeling...They cant enter the complexities of my sub conscious mind.....Its only for me to fathom ...They can cheer me up for a day or two or if its a really persevering friend then he can stay for a week...but eventually he would have to get on with his daily drudgery....and then...its just me.....alone...
There s too much of a racket in my head....i cant even figure out what it sounds like....its very similiar to silence...its like trying to stare at a blank white screen for a long time..its like white noise.....
I go back in time,,to the point where i faced the biggest crisis of my life until now...I admit, my folks and friends did a lot of damage control.....but in the end it was me ..on my own. It was easy to go off the edge....It was tough to get back to a safe distance from the edge....I dint move.. The edge vaporised…When i opened my eyes,i was surrounded by a circle...a very protected,’trespassers will be prosecuted’ kind of a circle.....a shell welcomed me..Lost friends in the process....but it dint matter...Nothing mattered anymore...
Time is the best healer...the shadows of the past couldnt cloud my mind for too long..and i could see rays of sunshine illuminating my life...I smiled but the damage was done..and the end result ..; I live in a very controlled state of mind...I have learnt not to let go completely,I have learnt that i have to fight it out on my own...I have learnt to live alone without feeling lonely…Today i am my own best friend... I can also be somebody else s best friend, girl friend, well wisher...but when i see the back of a friend when we part and his back becomes tinier with each step taken away and he disappears gradually.. or when the click of a phone cuts me off from him....i close my eyes and its just me...i walk alone....
I walk a lonely road the only one that i have ever known...I dont know where it goes but its only me and I walk alone...I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams..where the city sleeps and im the only one and i walk alone..i walk alone..i walk alone....my shadow s the only one who walks beside me..my shallow heart s the only thing thats beating.....Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me'Til then I walk alone, I'm walking down the line That divides me somewhere in my mind On the border line Of the edge and where I walk alone... Read between the lines What's fucked up and everything's alright... Check my vital signs To know I'm still alive and I walk aloneI walk aloneI walk alone
My player is on repeat mode........have heard it a zillion times and the words echo in my head ........

love.......

How long does it last?Can love be measured by the hours in a day?I have no answers now, but this much I can sayI'm going to need him till the stars all burn awayAnd he'll be there.....
shirley bassey,love story


Love, a feeling that has been dissected in over a million ways or more by a number of people that can beat infinity....As i sit to write about the strongest feeling i have ever felt,words r elusive...i ask myself what on earth am i doing here?As i stare at the monitor,thousands of thoughts are zooming by..
Its a little crazy,but the first thing that comes to my mind is bollywood.Why not?By the time we reach the throes of adolescence ,our mind is bombarded with a mishmash of stories of how man meets woman,falls in love and the consequences of falling in love...At that stage in life,love is just a heady rush,a feeling of going weak in the knees,a discreet glance at the object of ur affection,and if the glance is returned,an excitement that knows no boundaries!Its about blank calls given,blank calls received,{when i was in school,there were no mobile phones u see} Its about helping the object with his homework and hoping he would notice u a little more....and by any luck,if any hints are acknowledged by the object,ur convinced that this is it.He s the man for u..and u want to live a happily ever after existence..
Its another story when another object of affection arrives on the scene and u feel the same feelings all over again!
Just freshly out of school,and u walk into college.. U realise the scene has just gotten bigger,and the objects have become more in number...and the freedom is palpable..Still dealing with all the chaos that teenage has brought in physically and mentally,one is always unsure...do u look attractive enough?,U play hard to get just because we arent really sure how u are expected to be around members of the opposite sex..Sometimes u succeed in appearing cool and suave,and sometimes u fall straight on ur face..ok...Lets talk about the first possibility,U finally manage to impress someone who is also going through exactly the same stage of emotions..U tell our friends,oh yes..im seeing someone,u bunk class,u go for ur first date..u sit there wondering what could be the right words that can tumble out of ur mouth,
Well...he is a moron............., just like u.So after a moronic conversation,both of u decide yup,...we can be called the boyfriend girlfriend variety...Months of phone calls,moronic dates and greeting cards exchanged on valentines day,and clumsy holding of hands precedes the feeling of boredom..what the heck am i doing with him...boredom sets in...u eventually, gradually and without any harsh words exchanged, lose in touch only to be embarassed when u bump into him years later with ur kids in tow...
And then it hits u.....u meet someone who blows u off ur feet in an instant,u feel the heady rush but this time its different.or is it?Well..yes it is...U are on ur way to becoming an adult..u meet someone whose frequency matches with urs,it might not be all about looks,u look for affection,passion,and commitment.and u get it..or thats what ur made to believe.. Its all hunky dory,compatibility levels are high...and u start dreaming of a future together.Both of u are in a paradise of love...and then the inevitable change sets in.U change,he changes,taking each other for granted mode sets in..U become less attentive or he does,and then yelling,calling names and saying things u dont really mean becomes a routine ..U try n cope with it saying things will smoothen out soon,they do too...but the cycle continues...there is no end to it!U want to break out of it but ur so habituated with this person beside u that ur afraid of loneliness and sweating it out on ur own.There is no love left...both of u look tired and worn out.. the relationship is over,the only thing both of u are looking for is a way for it to be finally ,completely,over!
Ur out of it and u feel fresh, a little hurt,a little cheated,a little relieved..U decide,no more falling in love for me,U start treating members of the opposite sex wearily....U dont really respond to hints,and for once,unwittingly ur playing hard to get,so u come across as cool and suave all over again.. The hints increase,u become more of a recluse....and somewhere along in this cat and mouse game...u meet someone ...again! without any explanation,without any reasoning or logic,u fall in love again...but this time the feeling is accompanied by a feeling of serenity..u learn not to repeat the mistakes uv made,u become more loving,more giving,more tolerant...
Is this it?Have i finally found him?Watch this space!